Avoiding Emotional Time-Travel

Holidays are a time for families to connect. That can be both wonderful and challenging. I love my family dearly, but concentrated holiday time with them can find me emotionally time-traveling.

What is that you ask?

It’s when suddenly I am not the 44 year-old wife, mother, business-owner, rockin’ autonomous woman I have grown into. Sometimes I shift quickly and unknowingly into little Becky, the youngest of four trying to get noticed, be appreciated, feel accepted.

When I slip into little Becky, I allow others to define who I am. And that is rarely accurate, and never good.

The solution?

To begin the family time having made conscious contact with my higher source, whom I choose to call God or Great Spirit. This spiritual connection allows me to be centered, grounded in who I truly am, and accepting of myself.

It is from this place of worth and confidence that I can detach from my family, and I can detach from my old self who suffered fear of being judged negatively, of being perceived as mean or uncaring. And most importantly, I can keep ahold of my personal power.

All too often the fear of other peoples’ opinions had formed how I behaved. I spent many years bending over backyards to make others happy so I would feel safe. Unfortunately it never really worked.

I was tired of being a doormat. I wanted to slam the door on people-pleasing, but I didn’t want to walk away from my family.

How does one detach without abandoning?

With love. The kind of love that encompasses forgiveness, acceptance, and freedom from judgment. Well, that’s a tall order!

Someone once told me that the definition of humility is accurate appraisal. When I am humble enough to accept myself for exactly who I am, then I am free to accept others as well. In that acceptance there is space for love.

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” ~Fred Rogers